Ladies can change their mind....

Monday, September 8

Today we had hoped to have the staging and cell type back. Unfortunately it is not back yet. I was also supposed to pre-register for lumpectomy to be done on Wednesday. 

Over the weekend I had some restful and quiet time to contemplate my situation and choices.  I originally chose lumpectomy because it was an immediate fix.  Here are my options:

Lumpectomy 9/10.                                                        Mastectomy /bilateral

Remove nodule and surrounding tissue.                        Surgical removal of both breasts

Chemotherapy                                                                Chemotherapy

Radiation

Possible disfigurement.                                                  Immediate reconstruction started

30% lifetime recurrence rate.                                      Less chance of recurrence

Stronger possibility this again.                                        Less chance of this again

After thinking all of this over I decided that the best long term treatment would be to go with the double mastectomy while I am younger and can heal easier than having to possibly take this journey again.

Today I cancelled the lumpectomy and have scheduled the bilateral mastectomy for Thursday, November 6, 2014. 

Some may wonder why so long before I do this. Not that I have to explain but to hopefully ease the minds of those that love and care about me; only God knows how long this cancer has been in my  body. It appears that the nodule was present but missed on my mammo in 2013. There has been no indication by doctor or pathology that there is an urgency for removal. I have a few things planned for September and October that I would really like to do. Yes, this may seem selfish but I am at total peace that God knows when my days will end whether I have surgery or not. I choose to enjoy the things I already have planned and not let cancer control my life. Beginning November, 6 I will plan things in conjunction with my cancer treatment. God made us to enjoy life and not live in fear so I will do that to the best of my ability. This Winter will be long with surgery and chemotherapy so I shall enjoy the Fall. 

I ask that when you pray for me you will include my family and also the many people on this journey who don't know Jesus and do not have the joy of The Lord through their journey. 

Sherry

Thursday September 4, 2014 MRI day

MRI ah no problem. I am not cloister phobic, anxious or bothered by loud noise. I've done this before for other issues. OK we're here my portion payment made all ready to go.

I have to lay on my stomach for approximately 1 hour and do not move at all if the machine is making noise. And if we have to stop this test at all we cannot repeat for 48 hours because of the IV contrast.   OK got this.

All along trying to be the happy and cooperative patient I am thinking boy I hope I don't get any muscle cramps in my shoulders, back or legs that I often get. How will I lay still?

IV started, ear plugs in, lay down on my tummy, face down in the cradle (wait, this not a massage table) get everything all adjusted and in the best comfortable position possible.  Rolling back into machine here we go.

As I lay there I began to pray: Jesus if you can carry your cross for the time you did with the open wounds on your body and sweat pouring into your wounds then I can lay here for just 1 hour and not move. Please lay your comforting hands on my body from my head to my toes. Take away any twinge of a muscle cramp that I may begin to feel. I can do all this through Christ who strengthens me. I continued to recite this prayer the entire time and my Lord carried me peacefully and comfortably (ok, still not a massage table!) and the hour had passed before I knew it.

All dressed and here we go back to Dr. Carter's office.

Good news! There is only one nodule. At this point he began to explain my options of lumpectomy or mastectomy along with the additional need treatment of radiation and chemo with lumpectomy and chemo with mastectomy and immediate reconstruction. Wow,  really?  I was actually facing this decision. I am just like everyone else who thinks you know what you would do if you were in another persons situation. We'll let me just tell you this is where easier said than done resonates and rings true. I am now in the decision chair.  Of course nothing has to be decided immediately.....  Really! We are talking cancer here!

At present I am a candidate for lumpectomy which I have scheduled for Wednesday, September 10, 2014. That will be followed by 5 days of radiation 2 times per day. Then chemo consult and therapy later. With lumpectomy there is a 30% lifetime reoccurrence rate along with mammograms every 6 months. All of this could change on Monday when final pathology is received to show staging and cell type. Depending on that result mastectomy may be the best option. So much to consider.......
My Lord will guide me through and provide the wisdom I need.

God and His Angels show up

Thursday, August 28 waiting for ultrasound
While in the ladies waiting area of the imaging facility there were a couple of other women. One around my age and the other several years younger. The youngest lady broke the awkwardness by commenting that we looked like the 3 musketeers in our matching capes. This opened the room for conversation. The youngest lady explained that she had her first mammo and something showed up. She was there for ultrasound too. The other lady explained that she had a mass that was being watched because her doctor was afraid if the opened up the tumor it would spread rapidly so she had to have scans every 2 to 4 months just watch for growth and the best time for surgery.  Instantly I had a warming in my heart for these two new sisters. After I came out from my ultrasound and got dressed I felt a burden on my heart to pray with them. As I was walking out I asked them both if it would be ok if I prayed for them before I left. The lady with the mass responded by saying that would be fine but it would be better if we all prayed for each other. We joined hands and prayed there in the waiting room. God was watching over us.

Friday, August 29
God has accompanied many others before me on this journey. My best friend Malinda's mother Linda began this breast cancer survivor journey in November of last year. Linda is one of the classiest, lovely, God loving women I have been blessed to know. Watching her through her journey gave me even more admiration of her than I already had. She showed me how to continue to be a strong survivor. After having lunch with Malinda I spoke with Linda by phone. I shared with her that since she had been such an inspirational trailblazer that I was going to be following in her footsteps.  Linda was so encouraging not that I expected any less of her!

Tuesday before biopsy on Wednesday, Sept 3 coworker Elizabeth and I were talking about my appointment and all that could take place. Liz and I have a mutual friend that we used to work with at a previous employer who had gone through this breast cancer storm a couple of years ago. Liz asked me if I had talked to Kelly Richardson?  I replied that I had not but was waiting until I had more details but I do need to talk with her.

Wednesday afternoon after biopsy and cancer diagnosis.  My beautiful best friend Malinda surprises me at lunch in the office with Julia's cupcakes for me, my beautiful daughter Abi and my sister Pat who lives with Abi and Me,  and pink flowers. We were able to enjoy some laughs and lunch together. As we were enjoying lunch, one of my favorite pharmaceutical reps and also,a good personal friend Marla shows up with Gigi's cupcakes for our entire office.

As all good lunch breaks must come to an end we all return to work. A short time later I am standing at the copier and our receptionist comes to me and says Sherry, Kelly Richardson is here to see you.  Do you have time to talk with her? I said "who did you say?"  Yes, the receptionist said Kelly Richardson. Imagine my surprise. I asked Kelly if someone had told her to come see me that day and she replied "why would someone tell me to come see you?"  As it turns out Kelly happened to be in the building with her daughter for an appointment and she noticed that our office and stopped in to say hi!

If you even begin to think that all of these angels are coincidence you have it all wrong. I will tell you  what it was it was GOD. He was surrounding me with some of the many people I would need for support and encouragement through MY journey.

These are not all of God's angels. I am surrounded by many, many coworkers, the loving doctors I work for, friends and family near and far and others I have yet to meet. Thank you to all of you have reached out to me in the many ways with your love and care. I love you all!

September 2014. 2 Timothy 1:7

Let me share back a couple of weeks ago. I recently began to teach Sunday School for the 6-8 grade girls at my church. These girls are all very special to me because I have taught most of the on Wednesday nights for the past several years. On Sunday, August 24, 2014 out lesson verse was 2 Timothy 1:7,  for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control. This was 2 days after my routine mammo. I had no idea what that verse would come to mean to me.

Returning back to September now.

Wednesday, September 3; consult appointment day with Dr. Carter for scheduling of biopsy. Having known Dr. Carter since he began to practice in Murfreesboro over 20 years ago it was comforting to be in the care of a familiar face and Christian provider. As well, his manager Connie has been a friend of mine for over 20 years. As Dr . Carter began to explain that he felt my nodule was fibrocystic and might only need to be watched I began to feel some optimism towards the situation.   He continued to explain that the nodule would have to be biopsied to make sure. He then asked when do you want to do the biopsy? To which I replied as soon as we can do it. Within 10 minutes I was in the procedure room having said biopsy and would have an answer of yes or no to cancer before I left the office. In the south we call that "gitter done!"

Those who know me know that I am a very positive, strong and optimistic person no matter what situation I face. God gives me the free will of choice to be that way just as He gives everyone else the same choice.

All along since finding out that I had this foreign visitor in my body I have had hope but was not extremely optimistic about the kind of nodule it was. Some people might call that being negative or wishing cancer upon myself. I would have to correct them and say that this stirring inside my heart and mind was the spirit of my Heavenly Father preparing me for the path I was about to realize I was taking with Him beside me all the way.

After a short wait for pathology to be done on my specimen Dr. Carter returned to the room. The look on his face spoke before the words he had came out. He said, I am so sorry!  Your biopsy came back as cancer. As I took a deep breath and drew my strength form God I replied it's OK. I suspected it all along.

The next step is we have to do an MRI on both breasts to check for any other nodules that might not have shown up. OK, let's get that scheduled.

MRI scheduled for Thursday, September 4, 2014 at 12:30

August 2014

Back in March I received my "friendly reminder" cards that is was time to book my annual GYN exam and mammogram.  Being the busy person I thought I was at the time I tossed them aside on my desk to my take care of this later pile.

In early August my boyfriend bought me and himself the 2014 issue of the Farm Bureau Breast Cancer awareness hats. He has a coworker whose wife sells them and thought it was for a good cause.  I generally am not a hat person due to my curly hair that likes to look like Bozo the Clown.  However the visor Steve bought me was a cute and trendy camo and pink with the pink ribbon on the front.  I looked at and thought I like that and it would work well with my hair tamed into a top pony tail, well actually top puff ball!

A couple of weeks letter I saw my reminder cards on my desk, tossed them in my work tote bag and off to work I went.  Finally another few days later I got around to making those appointment calls. Healthcare appointments -check
Mammo set for Friday, August 22, 2014
GYN appointment, October 3, 2014

On Thursday, August 21 while at our local hospital medical office managers luncheon there was a speaker from one of the local imaging facilities. The speaker talked briefly about the new 3D mammo imaging they had just begun to offer.  She explained that the image created is more detailed than the normal mammo us ladies are accustomed to and there is not really a notice lie difference to the patient in how the mammo is done. Insurance currently has not approved the 3D mammo for payment but you can pay $99 out of pocket and have the 3D.

Friday, August 22, 2014 I arrive for my routine' annual mammo. I have always had normal results and never any issues with nodules or other irregularities. As I am registering for my testing I am thinking that I have some funds in my HSA and no major health issues so I will pay for the 3D imaging.

The next week comes and I know a few days after my mammo I usually get my standard letter that everything is ALL CLEAR.   For those who know me you know that I am not a worrier or fretful person.  For some reason I seemed to be watching for that all clear letter.

Thursday rolls around and still no letter. Early that morning while at work. I get a phone call from my GYNs nurse whom I have known both her and my GYN for 20+ years. We chatter the usual how are you and then I tell her that she doesn't call me just to chat so what's up?  It's not a good thing when you call me".   To which she replies "well we got your mammogram results and there is a nodule that showed up so I have scheduled you for an ultrasound for Thursday, Sept 4 but you know how things work and you can move it up if you want to."  I promptly advised that yes I would call and move it up as well as call my favorite general surgeon in town and make an point net with him.

What was that stirring in my mind that made me choose to have the 3D and watch for that letter?  No it wasn't instinct I am quite certain it was God prompting me and preparing my heart.

As soon as I hung up the phone with the nurse I called the imaging facility who said the could do my ultrasound that day at 12:30. Ok, sure I'm good with that, I will see you then. I hung up and immediately called The surgeon's office. Having been employees in medical offices since 1990, I have become friends with many others in the same field.  A friend of mine is the manager for my surgeon so I asked to speak to her. I explained my situation and she was able to make me an appointment for Wednesday, September 3.  Ok appointments taken care of and now I am mentally processing all that has just happened. As most of us medical staffers do we have to have the information in our hands to look at. I had one of our nurses retrieve my mammogram report as I just had to share with someone.  I was a bit numb. Me a breast nodule with no family history of this!

Our dear nurse was the sweet, compassionate and Godly young lady I have known her to be for over 7 years now. She read the report and asked me if I was ok.  Me of course I'm ok. I am strong.  This was a little quiet shared knowledge between just us 2 for now.  About 30 minutes later there were 5 of us from our office who went next to door to the hospital to purchase lunch.  As we got on the elevator one of the girls was looking on her phone at Facebook. She chuckled and said hey look isn't this a cute idea?  It's a graham cracker and marshmallow treat made to resemble a mammogram (you can picture it) to use for breast cancer awareness. There were those two words "breast cancer."  Wow where did that come from?  Again, it was my Almighty God preparing my mind and heart.   As we returned back to our break room to enjoy our lunch we were all chattering as we usually do about whatever topic seems to be the highlight of our day. At this point two of the girls were in conversation when one says that once she had a dog that had breast cancer.  There were those two words again. Ok, God I am hearing this.  Feeling that this was the best time to inflect my humorous attitude I shared with the staff that since breast cancer seemed to be the buzz word for the day. I told my loving, caring and Godly coworker friends that I had a breast nodule on my mammo and I was off to get an ultrasound at 12:30 and I would be back shortly.

Here I am on Thursday, August 28, 2014 not quite a week later having a breast ultrasound. The technician was very compassionate and caring as she carefully performed my ultrasound. As she carefully explored the breast area I was able to see the nodule on the ultrasound. Of course I had to ask the size!  28mm she replied.  As she continued to work carefully into the armpit area I waited patiently.  The technician finished the ultrasound and advised me that the radiologist would read in and be in shortly to go over the results with me.  Yes, I'm thing well OK let's get this all done and put away.

The radiologist entered the room and explained that I have a "suspicious nodule of 28mm along with an enlarged axillary lymph node at 22mm".  He continued to explain that I would need a biopsy to determine if the nodule was malignant (cancer) or benign (not cancer).  Whew, ok. Thanks God for preparing my mind to hear this news.

On Friday, August 29, Steve and I along with his son and a friend were blessed to head to Pigeon Forge for the Labor Day weekend. Boy was this perfect timing! The thoughts that were running around in my head were so emotionally draining. Thank you God for the opportunity to rest, think and enjoy the beauty of the world you created. I found that I watched each rock and plant that we passed along the way. I had on my reality glasses for the things we all tend to take for granted or just shrug off.